Therapist in Harrisonburg, VA points out the benefits to mental health that creativity and ceremony can bring for children and teens experiencing grief.
At the end of the day on October 31 the pumpkins have been carved, the candy passed out, and the costumes worn in celebration of Halloween. Whether you observe the American celebration and rendition of this holiday or not, it leaves it’s mark across our towns and cities. Giant skeletons and tomb stones litter yards while vampires, bats, and ghosts swing from trees. It is hard to get away from the themes of darkness and death that permeate this holiday. Some of it is endearing and some of it not so much.
Death is a hard topic that we tend to minimize, avoid, or make fun of. Dealing with the death of a loved one, a friend, or a pet is difficult. Most of us have lost someone we love.
Knowing what to say or do for someone who is experiencing the grief of losing a loved one is a touchy subject.
Melissa Deaton Cook LPC, NCC, ACS, EXAT has specialized in working with children, teens, and families since the 1990s.
Sometimes showing empathy for someone who’s experience with grief does not match how we experience it can be hard. Feeling like we “should be over it” or that our feelings should not be as strong as they are, is a common thought. Sometimes we feel a need to “be brave” or exhibit strength when we are not really “fine” inside. These can be normal responses especially for children and teens.
Attending grief groups or therapy in Harrisonburg, VA is useful for individuals and families experiencing loss.
Over the past few years, you may have noticed white and vibrant colored “sugar skulls” and masks begin to show up more frequently in Halloween décor. The popularity of the skull face of a woman in one of Mexico’s traditional style dresses with marigold flowers named “Catrina” is becoming popular in the United States. This image that has become universally associated with the Day of the Dead was created by the Mexican printmaker and lithographer José Guadalupe Posada around 1913. The Disney Pixar movie Coco from 2017, which I highly recommend, helped bring more attention and understanding of the Day of the Dead to mainstream America.
Brightly colored skulls, Catrina, and her male partner represent a traditional Mexican holiday that is celebrated on November first and second called Dia de Los Muertos or “Day of the Dead”. November 1 is typically set aside in the memory of children, while November 2 is set aside to honor adults. Other days are set aside to honor pets depending on the community or region. When and how the days are celebrated depend on the different cities and regions in Mexico.
The Day of the Dead is typically celebrated with special foods, costumes, decorations, ceremonies, and parties.
As an expressive art’s therapist in Harrisonburg, VA the creativity, community, and intentions that are part of the Day of the Dead celebrations can be healing.
Connect with Melissa today for child and teen therapy in Harrisonburg, VA
I remember as a child in Mexico seeing sugar skulls for sale and in cemeteries. I remember my parents being gifted with sugar skulls that had their names written on them with frosting. This is common in some parts of Mexico during the Day of the Dead festivities.
The Day of the Dead is traditionally meant to honor past loved ones and ancestors. Amid the festivities people set up decorative and creative “ofrendas” – gifts on altars to remember and honor their loved ones. Frequently they place pictures or things that remind them of their special person on the altar. For more information on how to create a Day of the Dead alter or ideas check out these articles by ArtMexico and Mexico in My Pocket. Intentionally creating a small space and decorating can be a wonderful way to honor and process grief.
Ceremony is important in the grieving process.
Most of us have lost someone we love. The grief and loss that follows can stir up all types of emotions and behaviors within individuals and family members. Children and teens particularly struggle with grief especially if they have lost a close family member. Ceremony and rituals are symbolic intentional actions that are taken to honor or express feelings. For a deeper understanding of the power rituals and ceremony for grief check out this article from Simply Psychology. Ceremony and rituals give us a way to make meaning out of sorrow.
Grief can be heavy.
Grief shows up differently for each of us depending on the circumstance. How we grieve and how long it takes is personal and different for everyone.
Connect with Melissa today for child and teen therapy in Harrisonburg, VA
Sometimes we want to push it down and tell the world and ourselves we are fine. Grief is not just expressed through tears. Frequently grief can be expressed through anger, ambivalence, withdrawal and isolation, or acting out behaviors. Grief has it’s own timeline. Like PTSD the presentation of grief can show up months after the loss or death of a loved one. There can be an inability to access words during the grieving processes. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. However, some children and teens may need professional counseling in Harrisonburg, Va to help them learn healthy ways of managing their grief.
What if we took feelings full of grief and turned them into something of joy that reminds us of our loved one? This is what the Mexican Day of the Dead accomplishes. Celebrating and honoring deceased loved ones in ceremony, tradition, and culture is not unique to Mexico. Different countries and cultures around the world have specific traditions, celebrations, and ways community comes together to honor those who have passed. Journeys grief camp at Hospice of the Piedmont is a good example of an organization in our area that provides space for children, teens, and families to express their grief in creative ways and in community multiple times a year. Every time I hold space for these grieving children and teens with interactive music making, I am awed at how intentional creativity and community help lessen the load of grief, if even for a little bit.
When we engage in creativity, in ceremonies, and in rituals the nonverbal part of our brain and our nervous system is soothed, we are able to find ways to make meaning out of things, and to eventually find ways to process our grief on multiple levels.
I still remember how important it was for me to make a floral casket cover for my mother when she passed. As I worked out how to make the flower arrangement I remember feeling the sadness at her passing, warm memories especially those involving flowers, and then pride in how my arrangement turned out. I knew at the end of the day that she would have loved it. Creativity helped me move through some of the sorrow.
Dates, holidays, and seasons that occur around the time of the death of a loved one may be particularly difficult when they come around each year. Sounds, sights, smells may invoke memories of our loved ones.
Creating yearly practices or ceremonies around dates and times that remind us of our loved ones can be soothing and can be beneficial.
Connect with Melissa today for child and teen therapy in Harrisonburg, VA
This is even more important for children and teens who have lost a loved one. If your child or teen is in need of counseling in Harrisonburg, Va Spiral Roots LLC has openings.
As the Day of the Dead festivities pop up in our social media posts let it remind you that death and grief do not need to remain dark and dreary and scary like in Halloween, but that beauty and honor can be found through expressing ourselves with creativity, ceremony, and community no matter where you live and who you are.
Melissa Deaton Cook LPC, NCC, ACS, EXAT; is
a bilingual therapist in Harrisonburg, VA for Children and Teens who are experiencing truama or grief.
Call 540-416-1628
Spiral Roots LLC is a safe place
All are welcome in my office.
Connect with Melissa Today
Check out this Companion Blog to creativity and healing in October:
More Than Just Bones: How Harrisonburg’s Skeleton Festival Benefited and Boosted Community & Mental Health: Insights from a Child and Teen Therapist
Melissa Deaton Cook LPC works with ages 5-18 in Harrisonburg VA and the Shenandoah Valley
Melissa Deaton Cook LPC ~
child and teen psychotherapist
Melissa is a bilingual licensed professional counselor in Virginia and Pennsylvania. Melissa helps kids feel safe, supported, & empowered to be their best unique selves! She helps struggling children and teens to know that they are seen, they are heard, and that they matter with the help of trauma informed expressive art, sand tray, play therapy, nature based, and cognitive therapy.
“Melissa is like a child and teen first responder” Jennie -First Responder.
Melissa helps dis-regulated children and teens struggling with trauma, depression, anxiety, mental health issues, behavior issues, family separations and more to regulate and learn to function in their community. All are welcome! Melissa’s focus is to help kids learn to regulate, communicate, and strengthen their relationships in the home and community so they can develop the capacity to grow and become their best selves. Melissa may be contracted for child, teen, and family therapy, dynamic trauma trainings, expressive arts workshops, and team building events. Melissa also provides expressive arts workshops and drum circles through The Growing Space, in Dayton VA.Learn more about Melissa’s background, approach, and services here at spiralroots.org